I apologize for the lack of updates, but I have put myself on a semi self-imposed bedrest. I have a little less than 2 weeks til my due date and my body has gone crazy on me! Apparently a positive sign, the baby has descended which at times makes walking excruciating or at least very uncomfortable. I feel as if a bowling ball is sitting in my pelvis giving me the “pregnant woman waddle,” as well as peanut sized bladder.
In addition, my back has decided that the additional strain of carrying more weight will result in shooting pain in my lower back with any movement. So I have been lying here watching my share of Oz, Law & Order and A Baby Story. Everyone tells me I need to be enjoying my last moments of freedom, but quite honestly I’m finding it difficult. Along with the aches and pains movement has been giving me I also have been a bit of an emotional mess.
I celebrated my 25th birthday last week, which started with me chipping a tooth and was interspersed with bouts of tears throughout the day. Nothing particularly bad happened, in fact, the weather was nice and I received well wishes from many friends and family, but regardless I was just blue. I am tired of pregnancy, yet still nervous and apprehensive about becoming a mother. It is a strange feeling for someone like myself who thrives on being able to control a situation. While I understand life’s uncertainties and unpredictability (this was an unplanned pregnancy after all), I feel as I am embarking on a period (labor) that I have absolutely no control over. For all I know I could go into labor tomorrow! I could end up having an emergency c-section, I could have a 40 hour labor, I could be in more pain than I am able to deal with…and the list goes on. I try to calm myself knowing there is no way to plan or better prepare myself. I’ve read the books, blogs and testimonials, I’ve taken the classes and now it is just a waiting game.